Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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