worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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