so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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