Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
