hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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