your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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