All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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