I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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