oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
