I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
