It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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