i permit you to call me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
