I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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