I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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