kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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