One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
