Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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