How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
