There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
