I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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