So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
