Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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