I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize