Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
