just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
