what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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