Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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