Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's shark week go big or go home
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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