he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
