how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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