My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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