Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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