we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
