it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
