Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
