If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We have started to decorate penises.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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