I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
