I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
