Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
