Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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