Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
