totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
