my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
