I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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