And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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