How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
