Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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