please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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