she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
