end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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