Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
