im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize