I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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