how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize