i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
