I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize