What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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