You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
