Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
