Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
