haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
