guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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