I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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