I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
