Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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