Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
