how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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