Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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