That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
