Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize