I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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